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	<description>Over 600 Years Without a Slogan</description>
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		<title>Radical Parents Teach Life Lessons by Brutally Torturing Imaginary Friends</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1070</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 12 Apr 2012 20:18:24 +0000</pubDate>
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				<category><![CDATA[Global]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[3-year-old Maggie Graham recently completed potty training, and her parents claim it was all due to a simple yet elegant parenting tool: telling Maggie that her imaginary friend Dotty the Spoon had likewise refused to learn about big-girl potties, and had been hit by a car because of it.  &#160; “The results couldn’t have been [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Opinion: Nothing Tastes as Good as Being Thin Feels, But that Doesn’t Even Come Close to How Great it Feels to Be President</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1066</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1066#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Apr 2012 18:12:22 +0000</pubDate>
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				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[By President Barack Obama As we near the summer before an election season, Michelle and I want to remind our fellow Americans how committed we are to stopping the spread of childhood and adult obesity. It is important to remember, that no food tastes as good as being thin feels, although to be honest, if [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Honors to Host Charity Ball for Other Departments</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1062</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1062#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 05 Apr 2012 19:56:47 +0000</pubDate>
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				<category><![CDATA[Campus]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[The Honors department intends to host a charity ball for other less privileged departments next Fall. The idea, suggested at an Honors residence hall meeting was met with great enthusiasm as many in Honors are excited to give back to the community that supports their superior status amongst their peers.  Biology pre-med major, Annabelle Kincaid [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Men at Santorum Campaign Rally Afraid to Compliment Each Other on Their Suits</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1059</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1059#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 02 Apr 2012 17:44:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Waiting for the candidate to arrive, attendees to the Santorum campaign rally tensely averted eyes and avoided conversation with one another about their stunning apparel. Much of the young conservatives took the event seriously and put on their Sunday best but they just couldn&#8217;t bring themselves to acknowledge how well coordinated their outfits were. &#8220;I [...]]]></description>
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		<title>God Bashfully Admits He Got So Hung Up on Foul Language He Didn&#8217;t Even Notice All That Genocide</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1056</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1056#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Mar 2012 19:10:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Last Thursday the Kingdom of Heaven returned to the headlines when God issued a public apology for “an eon or two of misplaced priorities.” According to God, he had been basing many decisions for entering heaven or hell on matters such as good language, table manners, and taste in music, instead of moral characteristics like [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Black Noise Machine Drags You Into an Uneasy, Nightmare Ridden Sleep</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1052</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1052#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Mar 2012 16:45:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Conair released a controversial “Black Noise” machine early this week, encouraging customers who have trouble getting to sleep at night to purchase the small red and black “Pandora’s Relaxation” for $49.99.  “It’s great,” says focus group tester Kelly Whitmire. “I used to jump every time I heard a bump. But now I sleep like a [...]]]></description>
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		<title>NFLT Sponsor: DANGER RAZOR</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1049</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1049#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Mar 2012 17:49:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Thrill Seekers: Are you tired of your safe, dull razor not living up to your savagely unpredictable lifestyle?   Send that old scrap metal to rust away and die in a retirement home because the Danger Razor has exploded into your wild life!  Radical!  Harness the gnarly severing power of machetes to defeat all the hair [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Opinion: It’s Not You, It’s Me. Well Really It’s a Whole Host of “Nature and Nurture” Factors. Here, Read These Papers on Determinism Before We Continue</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1044</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1044#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Mar 2012 16:13:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Campus]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Rachael. I don’t think we can be together anymore. I want to see other people. It’s not you, it’s me. Not that I can be blamed for my actions exactly. As I’ve told you and the family members you had over for the Superbowl, I firmly believe that free will is an illusion. Rachael, please [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Stylists Prepare for Quickly Approaching Neo-Nazi Fashion Week</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1040</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1040#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 15 Mar 2012 19:36:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[With February coming to a close, stylists world-wide prepare for the highly acclaimed “Neo-Nazi Fashion Week”, in Frankfurt, Alabama. Hailed as &#8220;tastefully restrictive&#8221; and &#8220;chic&#8221;, the event has been running secretly since the fall of Nazi Germany.  Although all non-white fashion models are barred from competition, that exclusivity only serves to increase the prestige surrounding [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Happier Ponies Make Better Glue</title>
		<link>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1036</link>
		<comments>http://newsfromlastthursday.com/archives/1036#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Mar 2012 20:31:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Global]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Recent studies show that glue made from happy ponies is the highest quality adhesive available. “Organic glue” endorses the ethical treatment of healthy ponies right up until they are slaughtered for their connective tissues.  “This is Applejack,” said Jack Gerstner, owner of Hayhold Animal Glues, gesturing to a jaunty Shetland pony. “You can tell by [...]]]></description>
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